


Single Fathers

by NikaZabini



Category: Political RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama & Romance, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-01-10 18:36:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12305217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NikaZabini/pseuds/NikaZabini
Summary: Life isn't easy as a single father. But Justin tries his best to offer his son Hadrien a good and secure childhood. Hadrien has his first days at school and Justin at his new job. Nothing simple for them. But there is a young and helpful teacher...





	1. First Day

**Author's Note:**

> A little warning: The Justin in this work got a tragic backgroundstory. This will be mentioned from time to time. So if you don't like to see RL-based characters suffer this might be the wrong story for you. If you can cope with it you're welcome to read :)

They walk through a tall iron gate, which doors were opened wide. Many kids running around, some with their parents, some alone. Young kids and older kids who must have their last year at école primaire. They are running to the majestic stone building, taking the steps and vanishing between the wings of the big portal. Justin squeezes the little warm hand of his son Hadrien he was holding all the way to school. His own was cold like the fresh air this morning. It had rained at night but now they have a shiny blue sky above their heads. He hopes that Hadrien's red light jacket was warm enough. At breakfast his smartphone had showed him that the temperature will rise to nearly 20 degrees this day. So it must work, he says to himself. “Are you cold?”, Justin asks anyway. Hadrien shakes his golden curls, focusing the building entrance with his blue eyes. “All right then”, Justin says kind of nervous – probably he was more nervous than his boy was at this moment.

He lets his eyes running over that many people. Then he sees a slim and elegant dressed woman with blonde hair pinned up in a very accurate way. She smiles and wave as she recognized him, coming quick over to them. “Monsieur Trudeau”, she greets him with a firm handshake. “Madame Trogneux, nice to meet you again.” She was an elderly teacher who agreed to showing Hadrien around. “And who is this gentleman?”, she offers her hand to Hadrien. He mumbled is name but doesn't take her hand. Instead he grasps Justin's arm. “Say hello to Madame Trogneux”, he whispers to his son, smiling in apologize to the teacher. “O that is okay”, she smiled. “I just will show you everything and then you can go to your class, enjoying your first day here”, she explains in a friendly voice. “Okay”, Hadrien mumbled but doesn't take a step forward.

Justin kneeled down next to him. “All right, champ. Just follow this nice lady, be kind to her, she is a teacher.” Hadrien nods. “She will explain some things to you, show you the eating hall and all. And don't hesitate to ask if you got questions.” “Okay.” “Remember that the others have their first day in grade one too. I will beg that are some nice kids in your class you can talk to at lunch break.” Hadrien nods again. “So, have a wonderful day!” He hugs his son who doesn't want let him go. “You will make it!”, he said. “High five.” Hadrien claps his hand and nearly smiled. Then he stands up again, recognizing that he was kneeling in a puddle. “Thank you” “You're welcome”, Madame Trogneux smiled “Both of you”, she added and laughed in Hadrien's direction, offers her hand one more time. And finally Hadrien takes it. “Bye!”, Justin waved him goodbye and watched him and the teacher going through the portal.

He stands there for a while, staring at the building like Hadrien did before, with his wet and muddy knee. The other kids and parents going by and he feels a little lost, hoping that his son would do better. Many kids he saw got fancy looking bags. With bold colors, playful patterns or characters from Disney franchises. Hadrien's was in an orange-ocher tone, very simple and sure not what Justin wants the first school bag of his son to look like. Because of their move from Québec to Montréal two weeks ago there wasn't enough time nor money to be choosy. He had pinned a Star Wars-badge on it and brought some pencils with lightsaber prints. On the lunchbox in the bag he placed a note which says “May the force be with you”. He wrote it in special plain letters to make sure Hadrien could read it with his basic reading skills he's got from kindergarden. He missed his friends from there and at first he didn't understand why he couldn't go to school with them in Québec. “Because it's too far from Montréal”, Justin had tried to explain. “But if I get up early and catch a fast train...” Now Justin hopes that his son will fast make new friends at his new school to get soon over his old ones. 

Suddenly Justin was aware that he was nearly the only person standing out there in front of the school. He looks at his watch. “Damn!” He was already late for his first day at his new job. That shouldn't happened! He knows he have to be better than the men who have kids too but also wives. Because from the moment in the interview he was coming out as a single father he saw suspicion and reservation in the face of his superior. Being late would prove him that Justin was unable to cope raising a child alone and working. 

 

*

As he takes the stairs to their tiny flat in the evening he was that tired he hardly could move his feet, holding two cartons with thick smelling pizza in it. Nearly at home he had remembered that he promised Hadrien to bought pizza at his first school day. So he turned back to get pizza from somewhere although he was already late again. But he has promised. And Hadrien has promised him that after school he would go straight home. Luckily their flat was just a 10 minute walk from school. They practiced the way a few times during the last week.

He reached the door, struggles to open it with using only one hand, the pizza in the other. Then the door was finally opened by Hadrien. “Heeey”, Justin smiled, trying to hide his weariness, relieved that his son was well. “Here's the pizza, champ. Are you hungry?” “I'm starving!”, Hadrien says, a little reproachful. “Sorry, that I'm late.” Justin going around the moving boxes, they didn't manage to unpack yet, to their dark dining table at the window side of the room. Hadrien followed, bringing two plates from the little kitchen at the left. “Thank you, my dear.” He was such a good boy. As they sit down Justin get off his maritime jacket and loosening his tie. “How was your day?”, he asked. “Good”, Hadrien replied, taking a big bite from his pizza. “Have Madame Trogneux showed you everything?” “Yes”, Hadrien answered with tomato sauce all over his mouth.  


“Do you think she is nice?”  
“Yes... But she isn't my class teacher.”  
“Who's then?”  
“Monsieur Macron”  
“And what do you think about him?”  
“He's nice too. He is from France, he told us.”  
“Really?”  
“Yes, France is a nation in Europe. That is beyond the big great ocean. It's called the Pathific Ocean.”  
“Sure? Not Pacific?”  
“No... Monsieur Macron said Pathific. He showed it on a world map next to the blackboard. Everyone there speaks french. And then he have asked us if we know people who are also from France. Anna and Pierre knowing people from there. Anna's parents have french friends. And Pierre got a grandpa in Bordeaux.”  
“Do you like Anna and Pierre?”  
“Yes, I think”, Hadrien shrugs.  
“And the others?”  
“Yes, probably. Then we should tell where our families are from. Ones from India, another from Russia, America...”  
“Wow”  
“Yes. And we're just from Québec... Grandma is also Canadian, right?”  
“Right”  
“And Mama is Canadian.”  
“Yeah”, Justin sighed, “she was.”

They were quiet for a while, just eating and drinking ice tea with peach flavor. “And your work?”, Hadrien asked. “O, very interesting. All the new stuff and things and people.” “Is your boss nice?” “For a boss I guess he is nice.” Justin tries not to think about the angry look he got from his superior for being late. “Your first day!”, he just said and had left Justin with the feeling that he totally fucked up.  


After they finished their meal they cuddle up on the sofa, watching Cars for the hundred time since Hadrien got the DVD to his birthday in February. They placed a bowl of colorful unicorn-cotton candy between them and Justin could tell that Hadrien was satisfied with the evening of his first school day. Soon he falls asleep, sure he was very tired after this eventful day. With the movie credits Justin stands up weary, takes Hadrien in his arms and carried him to his room, probably the only room in their flat which was already finished: completely furnished, painted, everything from Hadrien's stuff got a place yet. He lays Hadrien on his bed. “I haven't brushed my teeth”, Hadrien murmured, his eyelids just a little opened. “That's alright.” Justin helped him undressing and slipping in his pajamas, printed with butterflies. “But I have to. I ate pizza and cotton candy. And drank peach tea... With sugar.” “You have to sleep, champ.” He covered him with the soft teddy bear-blankett his grandma have made for him and apparently he falls asleep again. “Good night”, Justin kissed his golden curls.


	2. First Meeting

He was late. Again. Like every time the last two weeks. The “just a 10 minute walk” from their flat to the school seemed no longer at this evening. The rush, the quick and long steps he was taking, nearly running, let him sweating. That would be a successful first meeting, he thought, coming too late and penetrate the other parents noses with his wet white shirt he was wearing since this morning. Unfortunately he hadn't enough time at home to change, just to get off his tie. He feared he would be totally overdressed. With his formally shirt, his dark trousers and his shiny black shoes which making a lot of noises yet he running over the troittor.

But the delay was not his fault this time. The babysitter was half an hour late. It was the first time Justin get a babysitter for Hadrien. And he felt terrible about this. Somehow he felt a pressuring guilt for leaving Hadrien with a strange teenage girl who just wanted to save money for the latest smartphone or stuff. In Québec were always Hadrien's Grandparents who took him over the last two years if Justin hadn't time or just wasn't able to be there for Hadrien. From time to time he had felt horrible low. But now they were too far away to coming around just for a few hours.

Yes, Hadrien was doing fine the last weeks by walking home after school and stay there alone for two hours til Justin was coming from work. But he thinks that Hadrien was still too young to stay alone an hole evening, going to bed all by himself. So Justin was going through sitter-announcement after announcement since the invitation to a meeting at school with all parents of Hadrien's classmates from his class and his teacher. No offer seemed good enough for his son. But time was running against him. And finally he picked up the phone number of a 14 years old called Ella. They texted a few times and she seemed to be a friendly, smart and caring young girl. That she obviously was as it turned out when she did arrived at their flat. She's got good manners and an openly smile. But Justin wished he had could talk to her a little more, just to make sure that he could fully trust her. “If there are any troubles don't hesitate to call me”, he said one last time before leaving her and Hadrien alone.

Now he was going for the second time through the tall and impressive portal of the school. The building was quiet although there were some people around in some rooms. As he walks along the corridors, white stone ground and warm beige walls, he hopes he would find the room anyhow. At his first visit it was easy to find the secretariat because it was marked very well. But finding a regular classroom with only knowing the number... He felt lost and small, like a boy who lost his parents.

Luckily Madame Trogneux appeared followed by a bunch of elder kids, maybe in their last year at école primaire. Suddenly it wasn't quiet anymore.  
“Bonjour Madame”  
“O Monsieur Trudeau, bonjour. Can I help you?”  
“Yes, I'm looking for Hadrien's classroom.”  
The teacher told him precisely how to get there. “Monsieur!”, one of her pupils steps aside him before he could go his way. “What play do you like to see at the Christmas event? Peter Pan or The Jungelbook?”, the girl asked. “Audrey”, Madame Trogneux said, “First, Monsieur Trudeau is in hurry. Second, we didn't have discuss yet ourselves which plays we could take account of.” Justin smiled at this keen young girl. “Well, Peter Pan is one of my favorite stories. But I could imagine that you will enjoy it more to play animals like Balu or King Louis.” “O I would be a great ape!”, she exclaimed, turning around to her mates and showed them her dancing ape. Justin and Madame Trogneux were laughing. “Alright then, thank you.” “You're welcome.”

As soon they have parted Justin hurried up and finally found the right room. The door was open and he heard chatting adult voices. He stepped in and found himself next to the teachers desk. With the teacher sitting on the edge of it. He turned to Justin, most of the other parents sitting on the chairs of their children stop talking.  
“Monsieur Macron?”  
“Oui”, the teacher said, looking at Justin with stern blue eyes. “I'm Justin Trudeau, the father of Hadrien. Sorry for being late”, Justin excused himself, what he did a lot of times in the latest past. He offered him his hand. Macron, who was actually sitting on his hands, pulled out his right, taking Justins with a strength grip. But then he smiled like Justin was the only person he cares about, touching his arm with the other hand. “Take a seat please”, he said, hold his hand a little longer and then let it go, nodding at the crowded room. He was speaking with a delightful lisp what suits him very well. It took Justin a few seconds to recognizing that Macron doesn't hold his hand anymore. He finally teared his eyes from the now curious sparkling blue ones of the teacher, taking the only free chair in the first row at the right near the window. He was relieved noticing that Macron was as well dressed in a plain shirt, blue, some dark trousers and shiny leather shoes. Most of the others were dressed more casual. Some appeared in pairs. But mostly just the mothers were there. 

“For the record: My name is Emmanuel.” He introduced himself shortly to the plenum – teacher since three years, born and raised in France, stayed in Canada after an university exchange program, teaches french and history. Then he updated them about what their kids have done and learned in their first school weeks. Macron, Emmanuel was speaking clear, concentrated and with rhetorical breaks. It was pleasant to listen to him while watching him using his hands. He seemed full of ideas, totally motivated to teaching their kids all he knows. An ideal young teacher. Although he sometimes seemed a little strict. But Justin could imagine that with some kids around he would be less firmly and more lighten up. It would be a joy to watch Emmanuel interacting with Hadrien. A smile slipped on Justin's face.

“My daughter told me that there wasn't a veggie meal in the lunch menu on tuesday”, a young mother next to Justin complained in anger after they have turned to the lunch topic. “I had asked if your school offers healthy meals for vegetarians. They had said: Yes, yes, of course, every day... And now, my daughter have to eat Cordon Bleu?!”Emmanuel stayed calm. “Claire, right? I'm very sorry for this. Tuesday you've said? I will make sure that this never happened again... Next time there will be also a veggie Cordon Bleu.” He winked, some laughter, and the mother, Claire, was satisfied with his answer and couldn't keep a straight face too. He even made a note in his little black book. “You can also join the parents group for healthy food, if you like. They meet every Wednesday.”

Justin appreciated it that Emmanuel had answered that calm and didn't defend the school or getting pissed off himself for being confronted with things which aren't his fault. And the tone in his voice, his mild eyes, his openly gestures telling Justin that he truly care about it. 

They moved on to the excursion topic. Emmanuel explained that it was planned that the class will visiting the Gallery of French Art in a few months. “They have an exquise new exhibition for kids.” Justin smiled over the word exquise and how Emmanuel pronounce it. They began to list potential destinations, Emmanuel wrote them down on the blackboard behind him. Most were similar activities like Emmanuel's proposal. Justin raised his hand. Smiling in surprise Emmanuel turned to him. “Oui... Justin?” For no reason he instantly felt joy hearing his name out of Emmanuel's mouth. Some of the mothers were giggling and Justin blushed when he realizes that no one before had raised the hand to say something. Justin joined the giggles, a little embarrassed.

“Well”, he started finally, “I like all this possibilities”, he nodding to the teachers plain handwriting on the blackboard, “but I would appreciate it if our kids could also do some more... active activities.” A few mothers were laughing again. But more important Emmanuel also laughed after biting his lips like he wouldn't want to. He looked even more likable if he laughs, Justin thought. “And what kind of active activities do you like the kids to do?”  
“Canoeing for example.”  
“No way!”, one of the rare fathers burst out. “Pierre couldn't swim.”  
“Well he doesn't have to. Hadrien was canoeing with me before he could walk -”  
“Not very responsible!”  
“La paix!”, Emmanuel said loud. “Alors... I would propose that Justin and everyone who likes collecting ideas of activities, check them on its realization and then presenting them to all of us the next meeting. I think it's a good idea to look out some sporty things.”  
“But I will not allow my son to canoeing if he couldn't swim!”  
“Maybe then they have to start with going and learning swim”, Justin said disarming. The father fall in silence and Emmanuel hardly could hide an amused grin. Two mothers were joining Justin's active activities group, one of them was Claire, the vegetarian. They exchanged phone numbers, all of them.

Then Emmanuel said some nice things and end their first meeting. By and by the parents leaving, wishing Emmanuel well. When it was Justin's turn Emmanuel hold him back by touching his arm again. “Justin”, he said very serious, “I know it's been only two weeks but I fear that Hadrien wouldn't integrate himself in the class very well.” Justin was surprised. “He spend breaks and lunch almost alone, he didn't said much to anyone.” Emmanuel looked truly worried. For the first time Justin recognized that Emmanuel was more than a bit smaller than he was, standing right in front of him... “Justin.” God, he never heard someone saying his name like that: warm, but with the lisp even seductive. Right after this thought he looked away to concentrate again. It was just late, he had worked the whole day.

“I think he needs a bit more time because of the move”, he excused his son. “We moved a month ago from Québec to Montréal. So far he hadn't any problems with other people or communities. He's got some friends in kindergarten. I guess he just missed them.” Emmanuel nodded. “May I ask why you did move?”  
“Because of a new job”, Justin answered. “I'd rather have stayed in Québec. But well... On the other hand I think it's better to move for... a new beginning.”  
“Sure, changes only could happening by stepping forward.”  
They paused. It was quiet in the room. Only the ticking clock above the door made a sound. They were alone. Justin didn't noticed it til now. He had totally focused on this teacher. “Anyway!”, he exclaimed, “Just give Hadrien a little more time. I'm sure he soon will make friends and all.” 

“I hope so”, Emmanuel said and they shake hands again. Now he gripped also Justin's shoulder. Leaving the school he felt an huge amount of trust that Emmanuel would do a great job with teaching Hadrien subject matters as well as personal strength.


	3. Lost boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! I'm so sorry that this update have taking such a long time. But I had some technology problems with my Internet during the last weeks. The good news: I wrote down 3 new chapters the last two weeks. So I will update the story now more constantly!
> 
> I hope you enjoy the next chapters!  
> XO

\------------------------------ **Hadrien** \--------------------------------

He focused on his pack of milk and the drinking straw. This time he would make it without blotting himself or the table. He focused so intense that the noises around him turned off. The many children and teachers in the big eating hall, the scratching of pulled back chairs, the scratching of the forks and knifes: Hadrien blend all this out to concentrate on his task. He set the straw on the package, right where the silver circle was, counted to three and pressed the end of the straw through the silver. The yellow banana milk splashed right over Hadrien’s hand and the table. Disappointed he rubs his hand dry at his pants. There must be a way to open the milk without creating a mess, Hadrien was sure about this. But how? What was the secret technique? He swear to himself that he will find out til his last year at école primaire. 

Then he looked around, no one seemed to have noticed his fail. The kids at his round table were already gone, just have left him with an untidy plate and disordered chairs. He didn't take this personal because he didn't really know this kids. And, although he was the one who have sit down at their table, he wasn't really up to get them know. He wasn't sad that they had left, not at all, almost relieved. Sometimes it could be so complicated to talk with other people. But he feared to look a bit too alone now. His eyes gazing to the corner where Madame Trogneux was standing. She was talking to some girls, they were laughing. He looked to the other side of the hall and between the many pupils heads he saw Monsieur Macron standing, starring eagerly in his direction but quickly turned away when he recognized that Hadrien caught him. 

So, Monsieur Macron watched him. Now Hadrien was ashamed of his behavior. That he mostly stared out of the window during lessons, that he didn't really speak to other kids or even teachers. That he always sitting alone in breaks. He didn't want Monsieur Macron to worrying about him or, what would be even more worse, to tell his Papa about it. Okay, it will be better from now on, I will talk more and get new friends, Hadrien spoke to himself. 

Just in this moment a blonde girl came along, sitting down next to him, with an extraordinary bright smile on her face. She reminded him of Ella, just a little younger. But sure a few years older than he was. “Hey, I'm Audrey”, she said with a loud and cheering voice. “I'm in the drama class of Madame Trogneux. Probably you have heard of the drama class... Are you in your first year?” A few seconds passed til Hadrien could answer, she talked very fast. “Yes.” “Mmh”, Audrey said and looked a little worried. “That could be a problem... But I hope she will allow it...” “What?”, Hadrien asked. Audrey laughed and for an unpleasant moment he thought he said something wrong. “You look perfect to play Michael Darling in Peter Pan! That's the play we are going to prepare this year for Christmas... Well, we didn't decide it yet. But I think we will do that. I would like to play Peter... And you could play Michael.”  
“Like theater? On a stage?”  
“Yes, a big stage! Last year we had played Into the Woods. Of course we had singing playback, and I was just the head of the cow and later a bird from Cinderella. Because I was in third grade. The third grades always get small roles. But now I'm in my last year and can get the main part!” 

She said the last sentences with dreamy and shiny eyes. “I don't know. I didn't play theater before”, Hadrien said but hoped that Audrey wouldn't mind. “Then it will be your first time”, she said happily. “But I don't know if Madame Trogneux will allow it. Because drama class is only for the elder ones.”  
“Oh...”, Hadrien was trying to sound not disappointed. He was sure that this was a rule no one was allow to break. “Don't worry”, Audrey said optimistic, “I'm one of her favorite pupils.” Proud she sat up straight. “I will talk to her.”  
“Thank you.” Hadrien liked the thought that he would be on a big stage in front of the whole school. Maybe he would became a famous actor after that.

 

\------------------------------ **Emmanuel** \--------------------------------

Today's last lesson ended and the kids were packing their things together – incredible fast and chatting loudly. It was always like Emmanuel barely count to ten and his pupils were gone. Only Hadrien never seemed in hurry to go home. He took his time and always was the last one who wishes Emmanuel well. Like today. Emmanuel was sitting as usual behind his desk, making a few notes and tidy up while Hadrien slowly pack his bag. Then he was about to leave, Emmanuel looked up. “Aren't you looking forward to going home?” Hadrien shrugged. 

“You're going home alone?”  
“Yes, it's not far from school.”  
“Is there a chance that your father could pick you up someday?”  
“No, he has to work every day til evening.”  
“Of course... And your mother?”  
Hadrien looked up.  
“Could she came around in the afternoon?”  
“No, I don't think so”, Hadrien replied insecure.  
“Has she also to work all day?”  
“Mmh, I don't know. Maybe. I'm wondering what this work looks like... up in heaven.”  
Emmanuel felt like someone put a bucket of iced water over his head.  
“Heaven?”  
“Yes, she's there for a while now. Papa said she won't come back. But some angels return to earth, aren't they?”  
For a while Emmanuel just stared at this little boy with his round cheeks and the golden curls. Hadrien was of course not the first child he teaches who had lost one parent. But in this case he hadn't not one clue at all and felt now very unprepared.  
“Well, just the bad angels return to earth. And I bet your mother is a good one.”  
“Oh... yes.” Hadrien shrugged again. “But I will meet her again if I am going to heaven.”  
“Yes, but this will take a long time... Sure she's watching over you, so she's always with you.”  
Hadrien nodded. “That's what Papa always say.”

After Hadrien was gone, Emmanuel leaned back, running with his hands over his face. So, that was the matter with Hadrien. Not the move from Québec, or not at all. His mother was dead. Emmanuel sighed. Why Justin didn't say anything, it was so important to know. He tried to remember Justin's hands. Was he wearing a wedding ring? He didn't know. Yet he finally knows about it there were a lot of other questions popping up. How long was she dead? Did Hadrien know her or couldn't he remember her? Were he and his father living alone? And mostly: How could he help Hadrien and Justin to get along with it? 

Of course this thoughts didn't vanished when he left school and was at home. He couldn't rest and was going up and down in his modern apartment. Without noticing it his thoughts went to his own family, to his mother and his grandmother. The most important persons in his life. He had hardly become the man he was now without their love and help. Suddenly he felt terrible homesick. Here we go again, he thought. It was not only the longing desire to get to France, to Amiens where his family lived. From time to time he felt so alone in Canada that he questioned his decision to live here. What for?, he asked himself. After all this years he just have made a few friends, not very close ones. Just the kids at school seemed to needing him here. And he was sure that if he would leave the school was able to find another good teacher for them. He felt lost in this big country, after all these years. 

It was too late to phone his mother, in France it must be in the middle of the night. But there was another person he desperately wanted to talk with. He stared on the paper with the numbers of the parents. Justin Trudeau... Nervously he tipped the number. And waited. Again he was going up and down.  
Then a tired “Hello?”.  
“Bonsoir! Emmanuel here... Macron.”  
“O, oui, bonsoir!”, Justin's voice lightened up and suddenly he didn't sound tired anymore. “I... just want you to ask, if you could come for a talk after school.”  
“O, I'm not sure if I could finish work earlier. But... what is the matter anyhow? Why do you want to talk? Are there any problems with Hadrien?” He sounded so worried that Emmanuel felt very happy for Hadrien to have a father like Justin. “No... no incidents. Just his continuing distant behavior to his classmates... and... And I wanna talk about some personal matters, about his family enviroment and so on.” A long silence followed. Emmanuel wasn't sure if Justin was angry or just surprised. “Alright”, Justin finally said with a sigh. “I see if I could make it next Friday.”  
“Bien! That would be great. Merci, et à vendredi!”


	4. Attraction

Justin couldn't help it but that Friday just sucked. Early in the morning he was getting up. Two hours earlier than usual. Of course he was allowed to finishing work earlier. “If you're coming earlier”, his boss said. So he had left the flat on this morning without seeing Hadrien. Luckily good Ella had time before her school, so she was coming around to wake up Hadrien, made him breakfast and brought him to school. “All fine”, he getting her Message working three hours yet. Then in the afternoon one task after another was brought to him, so he have to promise doing them on weekend. That was so predictable! But he wouldn't only have an appointment with Emmanuel. The two moms in his active activities group asked also for a meeting. So he would first talk to Emmanuel and then meet up with Claire and Alice. All at school on this Friday evening. 

He was getting this stressed that the thought: Never again, as he going fast through the school gates. Many kids were leaving, he wasn't this late. When he was founding Hadrien's classroom again most of his classmates were already gone. “Papa!”, Hadrien exclaimed joyful and running from the place by the window in his arms. “Hey, champ!”, he placed a kiss on Hadrien's blonde curls. “This is my chair and this my table”, Hadrien said proud after pulling him in that direction. “Yeah, a nice place next to the window.”  
“And this is my french short story”, he hold up a paper on which lots of snippets with printed sentences were glued to. “O that's good. Can I read it later?” Hadrien was nodding and then starring straight to Emmanuel who was standing in front of his desk and getting some stuff together. His eyes were gazing sort of worried between his teacher and his father. “It will be alright”, Justin said calmly, “we just talk a little about school things.” 

Emmanuel looked up and smiled, coming over to them and gave Justin a warm and friendly handshake, like he was an old friend he met after years. With their eyes hooked up in each others it nearly felt intimate although it was a short moment they shared.   
“Hadrien, would you mind to wait outside?”, Emmanuel asked. Hadrien shakes his head, like he rather would stay. “You can take this coloring book and your pencils.” Emmanuel took a little book off his table and handed it to Hadrien. “It's about France.” On the cover was a comic like Napoleon, smiling and waving. “Good boy”, Justin said as Hadrien was leaving the room with pencils and coloring book.

“Thank you for coming”, Emmanuel said and pointed at two chairs in the first row. They were getting the desks away and sitting down. Justin could tell that Emmanuel was nervous. His hands moving around and he licked and bite his fine lips. “I don't want to wast your precious time”, he finally said, “so... the reason we are here is that... Hadrien had told me about his mother.” Justin felt his heart sinking, he coughed for his throat was suddenly terrible dry. “He... just had mentioned that she is... in heaven.” Again Justin coughed and finally found his voice. “That's what I told him.. I mean, he knows that she passed away and what it means but... –“ 

“That's alright”, Emmanuel said clearly. “I want to know for how long she's gone yet.” Justin looked away. “Ahm... since two years we're alone now.” Emmanuel nodded. “How was Hadrien handle it?” Justin looked at the world map beside the blackboard. He wanted to say something like: What's the matter? Hadrien is here for school. You are his teacher, not his therapist! But he didn't say anything like this, because he knew that teaching is not just giving knowledge to people but to humans. And especially kids must be treated like complete human beings, with knowing their strengths, their weakness, their ambitions and their character. “Hadrien missed her a lot”, he said instead, “and it took him a long time realizing that she wouldn't come back.” He made a break, blinking against some tears. “It was an accident.” Emmanuel was nodding again, then he leaning towards to get Justin's attention off the world map. His face was close to Justin's, now looking up to him.

“Desolé”, Emmanuel said and Justin was about to look away again, he still hated the pity of people he barely knows. “...for I convinced you to lead the parents activity group.” Justin was a little surprised and kind of relieved that Emmanuel wasn't like the other people. “I didn't know that you're alone with Hadrien. I would totally understand it if you not want to lead the group, besides work.”  
“But I want”, Justin said straight, surprised by himself. Emmanuel smiled a bit. “Okay.” Admiration was showing up in his blue eyes, what made Justin a little proud of himself. “So thank you very much for the talk. It's important to know all of that, to assess Hadrien's behavior...” They were looking at each other for seconds and Justin recalled his last sentence... with that lovely accent and the lisp. Then it knocked and Alice showed up.

Emmanuel allowed them to use the classroom for their meeting. But instead of going to his office he sat down with Hadrien in a corner and coloring with him the pages of the France book. “If you don't mind”, he asked them, well more the two mothers than Justin. But he gave him a smile and a little wink when he got the permission to stay. So Justin, Alice and Claire talked about possibilities of activities the class could do, sooner or later. Alice brought her tablet so they do some more research together. They were nice and friendly but from time to time Justin drifted away, watching Emmanuel painting Napoleon, Versailles and so on with Hadrien. Like he had thought, with Hadrien – a kid – Emmanuel seemed more relaxed. They were giggling and Justin felt very pleased to hear Hadrien's boyish laugh and watching Emmanuel chuckling, with his hole body moving.

“You're son seemed to enjoy this very much”, Alice said and Justin quickly pull off his eyes from this lovely scene. “Yes, Hadrien is his name.”  
“What about his mother? Haven't she time for him this evening?”  
“O, no... I'm a single father.”   
Suddenly also Claire looked up from an interesting website about hiking tours for children. “O”, Alice just said and the eyes from these two women were glancing at him in solidarity. 

That was the different to the average man, Justin have learned during the last two years. Most of the men were just pitying him for being a single parent. But women always were sort of... into him when he came out. Mostly he not even must say that he raised his son alone. It was a very common thing that if he just walked across the street holding Hadrien's hand he got the attention of every woman: old ladys, women at his age, even teenage girls. All of them were smiling at him if he was with Hadrien. They seemed to think: O, that's a good man. He's caring for his child sooo much, he must be a great husband.”

The rest of their meeting Alice and Claire trying to talk with him about personal stuff – they tried again and again. He seemed to be the most interesting subject now. Although he liked them and he appreciate that they were curious for a more deep talk he didn't really want to tell them all about his life. After all he was just too tired and was through that sort of talk just two hours ago with Emmanuel. There was no need for him to share his whole life story with Alice and Claire.   
Finally their meeting came to an end. The two mothers left after they have waited for him and Hadrien. But his son wanted to finish his painting. “Common Hadrien, Monsieur Macron also wants to start in his weekend. And youuu have to go to bed!”  
“I nearly finished it! Look, just this part of the sky.” 

Justin sighed in apologize to the smiling Emmanuel. “It shall be so, my little prince.” He sat down next to Emmanuel and couldn't help but yawn. “Sorry, it was a long day.”  
“No offense”, Emmanuel replied. “Do you have made any progress with the activities?”  
“O yes. We pick three possibilities.”  
“And?” Emmanuel asked curious.  
“You will get them know at the next parents meeting”, Justin answered with a mocking grin.  
“Common!”  
“No, I won't tell you. It's top secret.”  
“What's top secret?”, Hadrien asked.  
“Nothing, my dear.”  
They laughed.

Together they went through the silent school building in the dark outside. They parted at the gate. “Thank you”, Justin said to Emmanuel, “You hadn't must keep Hadrien busy.”   
“It was a pleasure” and Emmanuel was shaking Hadrien's hand. “Petit prince.”   
He turned to Justin. “So... wish you well”, Justin said, suddenly a little shyly. “Wait”, Emmanuel took a pen and his little black book out of his brown leather bag, writing fast and teared the page apart. “My phone number”, he said and give it to Justin. “I already have –“ “That's my private. If... just in case you need someone to talk to.” He blushed and under the dim street lights he looked even more charming. “Well,...ahm, thanks. Have a nice weekend.” Justin grasped Hadrien's hand. “Bonne nuit”, he heard Emmanuel say when they were walking down the street.


	5. Not alone

The curser on the Notebook screen was blinking. On the same place for a while now. But there were no words coming to Justin's mind which he could type. He looked again on his notes beside. A simple report he has to write. Just as usual.   
“Paapa”, Hadrien came out of his room, with a little red car in his hand. “When do we get the hanging chair on?”   
Justin sighed. “Today”, he replied without looking up.   
“Yeah, but when? You said that before lunch too.”   
“As far as I finished this work.” 

Now Hadrien was sighing. He let the car drive on the chair next to Justin, making car noises. “Hadrien, please! Can you just go back in your room?” He murmured. “But without the hanging chair it's boooring!” He continued to drive the car over the chair. “Hadrien!” Justin grasped his hand which was holding the car to stop him. “As soon as I finished this as soon we can fix the hanging chair on the ceiling, alright?” Hadrien mumbled a few words, then he get off Justin's hand and shuffled back in his room. 

With the door closed Justin instantly felt a shaming guilt. He puts off his glasses and pressed his hands on his tired eyes. It was too much patience he asked from his son, he knew. And also he didn't knew if he could keep his promise. Not if he continue starring on the curser without typing anything. He had worked the last weekend after the talk with Emmanuel and it turned out that he have to this weekend too. Also it wasn't much. Just a final analysis for this month and a report. But it was too much if you had worked the whole week too.

Next to him he heard rain drops falling against the naked window. The curtains he bought two weeks ago were laying untouched on the floor under the window. He just haven't enough time or... strength. Feeling tears coming up he pressed his fingers even harder against his eyelids. It weren't only the curtains and the pressure to keep his promise and getting work done. Without any signs it have struck him painfully this morning when Hadrien was getting up, coming to him in the kitchen. He saw this somewhere between blue and green eyes, the round cheeks, the short nose, the golden curls... and it just hurts. 

He hated himself for this feelings. And he didn't understand where this came from. He thought this feelings were buried in the past, that he was over it. He didn't felt this for months. And now... In the past if there were days like these he had called Hadrien's grandparents, left him to them and spend the day biking around. Then in the evening or the next day everything was fine. Now he thought of calling Ella. But no, she was 15. Of course she's got better things to do on a Saturday. And he have to pay her. What he just can't afford again. Get yourself together, he said to himself opened the eyes and put on his glasses. The curser was blinking in the rhythm of the rain now.

*

He made it through the day anyhow. Finished work. But it was already too late to fix the hanging chair. “Tomorrow, I promise”, he said and Hadrien just ate his bread silently. This made him actually more sad than Hadrien would cry in anger about the broken promise.  
After Hadrien was getting to bed Justin sat down at his own, without have turn on the light in his room. He was just sitting there with hanging shoulders, powerless, feeling the synthetic fabric of his bed sheets. Til he have closed the door of his room he was avoiding it to look at Hadrien – nearly the whole day. He felt terrible about it, clenching the sheets yet. “No, no...”, he whispering in the dark. It turned to painful moans. What kind of father was he? A bad one, a very bad one!

He sprang up to his feet suddenly and pulling the dresser open, threw all the stuff on the floor. Where were the photographs? Then he turned to the last unpacked moving boxes in his room. Where were the photographs? He needed them right now! But he couldn't find them. “Shit!”, he exclaimed and kicked a pair of socks which used to be in the dresser. “Fuck!”

Then he sit down on his bed again, laying back, taking deep breaths to calm down. Without thinking about it he grasped his phone and picked up Emmanuel's number. After a few tones the voice mail answered. “Ah... hey. Justin here,...You seemed busy... I... I just... don't know. I mean, I...”, he cursed silently, “Just ignore it, okay? Bye.”   
He growled in shame and threw his phone away, on the pillow. God, he was such a human wreckage!  
The minutes past and he just lay there, far from sleeping or being awake. 

Then his phone vibrates. Slowly he opened his eyes and stretched his hand for the phone. The bright display was hurting his eyes. A text from Emmanuel.   
_Open the door. I won't ring because of Hadrien. E._

Suddenly he felt awake. “Shit”, he stumbled out of his room in the soft lighten living room. He pressed the button to unlock the front door of the house and opened their flat door a little. He heard steps downstairs. Was it really Emmanuel?  
Yes, he was.   
He was breathing heavily when he finally stand in front of him. “These stairs...”, he gasped.   
“What are you doing here?”, Justin asked.   
“You have called”, Emmanuel answered.   
“Yes, but I... I said you should ignore it and not asked you to come around. At least, how the hell do you know our address?”   
Emmanuel shrugged. “School secretary” he only said. “Can I come in?”   
Justin let him in. 

“You sounded desperate in a way I couldn't ignore”, Emmanuel explained, looking around.   
“Do you want something to drink?”, Justin asked and was surprised by Emmanuel who holding up a bottle of wine. They sit down on the little dark blue sofa with red filled wine glasses. “You are... you just, … I mean...”, Justin stammered, then he just take a nip from his wine. “I just want to make sure that you're okay”, Emmanuel said, starring at his glass, insecure. “Alright”, Justin whispered after a minute of silence. “Thank you.” They looked in each others eyes a while, then they softly clinked the glasses.

They start talking. About the school, about Madame Trogneux. “Brigitte is one of the best teacher I've ever met”, Emmanuel said and goes on with a passionate praise to which Justin listened half way. He watched Emmanuel using his hands, his eyes were shining, he spoke with an deeply admiring tone. It pleased Justin to sitting next to this young teacher who was full of life. It was a joy and he forgets for minutes about his troubles he had the whole day – and the last two years.

Soon they have finished the bottle and the wine blushed their cheeks. They were falling in silence again, smiling at each other. Emmanuel placed his empty glass on the small table in front of them. And suddenly he was sitting very close to Justin, shoulder to shoulder, knee to knee. “Justin”, Emmanuel said, in the way he loves to hear his name from his lips. He didn't smile anymore, he looked Justin in the eyes and put one hand on his leg, lightly like a feather. “What have happened today?”, he asked quietly. “What have drive you this desperate?”

Justin looked away, to the dark naked window. This question came out of the blue... eyes from Emmanuel. His heart was beating faster. Then he just told him. He haven't told anybody before. Except the guys from the therapy group, he had visited three months. But they didn't count because they were just the same. 

“Some days I hardly could look at Hadrien. At those days it hurts to see him. Because,... because he looks so much like his mum.” He paused a few seconds to keep the upcoming tears away. “It's a terrible feeling”, he whispered. Emmanuel stared at him like to say _Go on! I'm listen, I'm not judging_. “It was a rainy day”, he began to tell, he heard his voice from somewhere, it didn't felt like he was talking himself. “A very rainy day, just like today. And Hadrien was at his grandparents since two days because we both had special job projects. That day I should pick her up from work and we both would drive to her parents to pick up Hadrien. But my work wasn't done, so I called her to tell that I won't make it. But I had the car. So I asked my brother to drive her around... It was the most selfish and worst decision I've ever made in my life...” His voice started to shake. “The weather was that bad... they had an accident...” 

Then he couldn't hold his tears back anymore. “It was my fault”, he whispered, let the tears running over his face. Emmanuel's eyes were quickly moving, running over Justin's wet face restlessly. He seemed not to know what to do with a crying grown up man. “I'm sorry”, Justin sobbed and he wasn't sure himself if he meant his unfortunately decision in the past or if he excuses for crying. Emmanuel starts to patting his shoulder and they were falling in an embrace.

Justin's tears wetted Emmanuel's shirt for minutes til there weren't tears to cry. He smelled Emmanuel's herb perfume and felt his warm breath next to his neck. It felt incredible good to be touched by someone. He couldn't remember when he was that near to another person, except his son. His hands slowly began to run over Emmanuel's back and he felt the heat from beneath the white shirt. It felt so good! 

He looked up to Emmanuel, blinking the last tears away. There he was, right in his arms. A young man with intense eyes, an exceptional nose and sensual lips. His heart went crazy.   
So he kissed him, soft and hesitantly. 

He haven't kissed someone since two years. He tasted the wine and put Emmanuel's face in his hands to feel more of him and to make sure that he wouldn't stop. And he didn't. Emmanuel even getting further and forced Justin to open his mouth for his tongue. One of his hands running through Justin's strong hair, while the other one stroke his leg, now with pressure.

Then a squeezing noise. They parted apparently, Justin turned around and Hadrien stood there in his door, with sleepy eyes. Emmanuel and Justin start laughing nervously. “What's up?”, Justin asked finally and stood up. “Loo”, Hadrien mumbled, hardly awake. “Of course”, Justin took Hadrien's hand for he was looking very shy at Emmanuel.  
After Hadrien was in bed again, Emmanuel was standing next to the flat door and buttoned up his jacket. “I think I better go now... it's late”, he said firmly. “Wait”, Justin quickly went to him and kissed him again. Emmanuel pushed him away. “I didn't want to use you and your feelings... Just because you're confused –“  
“Shh”, Justin interrupted him. “I'm not that confused...” He saw a burning desire in Emmanuel's eyes lighten up within seconds. Then he kissed Justin back, with heavy passion. 

They stumbled in Justin's bedroom. “Quiet”, Justin whispered and nodded to the left wall where the room from his son was behind. He let him fall at his bed and Emmanuel sat down at his legs. He kissed Justin at his cheeks, his neck, licking and biting him teasingly. “I want you”, he aspired in Justin's ear. “Since I first saw you.” His hands running down Justin's chest to his belt. “I want you so bad.” He continued in French. It was the most erotic thing Justin ever heard in his life.

Emmanuel's hands were rubbing him through his pants. Justin closed his eyes and concentrated on the hands, on Emmanuel's smell. But suddenly he saw the face of her, and opened his eyes.  
“Stop!”, he said and grasped Emmanuel's hands. “I... I just can't.” Emmanuel seemed disappointed. “Shall I go?”, he asked and his tone was very plain, far away from the sound a few seconds before. “No”, Justin answered and buried his face in Emmanuel's shoulder. “Stay... I don't want to be alone...”

So they ended up sleeping dressed on this bed, Justin laid his arms around Emmanuel and he felt something like happiness, holding Emmanuel in his arms, feeling his body and the rhythm of his breath.


	6. Cloud Nine

Opening his eyes he was blinded by the autumn morning sun which was shining through the small window. He blinked a few times and then he saw the icy blue eyes of Emmanuel right in front of him. “For how long did you watching me?”, Justin asked quietly with a scratchy voice. Emmanuel didn't answer. He just closed his eyes a second and then sit up. Looking down at himself he straighten his white shirt. “Can't believe I slept in my clothes the whole night.” Justin hold up his head on his arm and smiled. “You sound like 40. Sometimes it doesn't matter and it's just the only right way to sleep.”  
“And you sound like 19”, Emmanuel replied and slipped to the edge of the bed. Instantly Justin reached out his hand to stroke Emmanuel's back with his fingertips. He didn't know if Emmanuel was just tired or kind of disenchanted. But he didn't like the way he have turned his back at him. “I think I should go now”, he said, clasped his legs and stood up. With some moans Justin stretched himself. “Yeah, maybe it's better before Hadrien get up”, he mumbled although his heart was longing for Emmanuel to stay.   
For a second Emmanuel looked confused at the ground, then he took his jacket and his shoes. Justin followed him and stumbled over his clothes which buried the carpet. “O, ahm, sorry for the mess.” He vaguely remembered that he had throw them out of his dresser before calling Emmanuel. 

Silently they went to the flat door. “Got everything?”  
“Oui.”  
They were staring at each other, shyly. “Thank you”, Justin said. Emmanuel just nodded, then he turned around and was going down the stairs.

After he closed the door Justin smiled, ruffling his hair. Wow, he just thought. Maybe they have parted without any great gestures. But he felt good. Like from now on everything would be better, easier. With having Emmanuel all would be good.

 

First he took a shower, get into fresh clothes, tidy up his room. Then he made breakfast and soon Hadrien getting up and they eat together. Justin was wondering if Hadrien remembered the night, that Emmanuel was sitting on the sofa. If he saw them kissing, if he remembered it. But he didn't asked. And Hadrien seemed to be the usual joy. Maybe he didn't even remembered that he was awake at night and went to the toilet.

“Do you know what we are going to do now?”, he asked joyful when they concede the dishwasher after finishing breakfast. Hadrien looked at him in curiosity. “We fix the hanging chair!”, Justin proclaimed. Hadrien made one jump of joy. “Yay!” 

So they unpack the wide rainbow colored fabric, put the strings together and around the holding. Then Justin prepared the ceiling while Hadrien shouted: “This place will be perfect” and a second later “No, I think it will work better there!” At the end it was quicker done than Justin expected. But they create a bigger mess than Justin thought they would. They stood a minute in front of the hanging chair, starring at their masterpiece. “Do you want to try it?”, Justin finally asked. Hadrien nodded insecure. “What if the holding doesn't hold?” Justin laughed. “It will. Just go for it.” He grasped the hanging chair. “I will hold it” Carefully Hadrien climbed it. “How is it?”  
“Comfortable.” Then Justin shove the hanging chair a little and Hadrien was screaming in joy, his legs in the air. After a few times Justin stopped it and they high five each other for their great work. Justin wanted to sit down beside Hadrien. “No! You're too heavy!”, Hadrien exclaimed and stopped him with both hands. Justin laughed again. “I don't think so, my dear. The instruction says that the chair can carry up to 300 pound. I'm not weight that much.” Hadrien looked critical. “But be careful...” 

Finally they cuddle up in the hanging chair, Justin pulled an arm around Hadrien's thin shoulders and they sit there, swinging a little bit around. “Know what?”, Justin whispered. “Papa loves you.” Hadrien laid his head on his fathers shoulder. “Son loves you too.”

 

After they had pancakes with maple syrup for lunch Hadrien played in his hanging chair. Justin took the chance to get the things in their flat done which he was avoiding the last weeks. He attached the curtains he bought. They were yellow and orange, fitting perfectly and definitely lighten the room up. Then he unpacked the last moving boxes. Some old books, Hadrien's first paintings, some tickets of special events like concerts, theater and so on. And then he found them: The photographs he was searching desperately the day before. But today he haven't eyes for them. Except for one. Underneath them he found a gold framed photograph of her. 

She was sitting on a wooden bench at a table, a white wall with a black and white picture behind her. She was smiling, not very bright, starring straight in the camera. She looked a bit insecure. But so beautiful! She was one of this women who somehow know about her beauty but most of the time were unaware of it or forget it how beautiful she really was. They were at a cosy restaurant with her parents, celebrating her mothers birthday. She was wearing green earrings and a blouse with flower print in pastel colors. “You look wonderful”, her mother had said to her. She was pregnant, but didn't knew it. Three weeks later she would fly in Justin's arms one evening when he came home from work. “Heey”, he would say, surprised. “We will have a baby”, she would whispering in his ear, laughing and crying at the same time.

Now some tears were rolling over his cheeks. But he felt the sudden joy from this moment in the past, he was smiling. And putting the framed picture at the eating table he sometimes used as a office desk. He rest a minute standing in front of the photograph. Yes, it felt right. She have to get a place in their new home. Because she always would be a part of Hadrien and at least himself.

*

In the evening he hardly could believe what he had get done this day. Numerous things for which he used to have no power. But after all he wasn't exhausted, not even tired. He just felt good. Hadrien was happy, he was happy. The desperation the day before seemed so far away that he was wondering if all was just a bad dream... which had turned into some incomprehensible erotic dream about the teacher of his son. But no, it was real that Emmanuel had show up. That he had kissed him, that he had stay the night. Just thinking about Emmanuel he felt something like butterflies in his stomach.

Justin sneaked in Hadrien's room. He was busy in his hanging chair. Playing with action figures and dolls. So Justin get in his own room, turned on the small lamp on his nightstand and sat down on his bed. He stroke the pillow on which Emmanuel's head had rested this morning. With a nervous sigh he pick up his phone and dialed the number he had called just yesterday. The seconds grew larger while his heart was beating faster.   
“Allô, Justin.”   
He felt kind of surprised, somehow he had expected the voice mail. “Ahm, … hi”, he said and felt incredible stupid.   
“Everything's alright?”, Emmanuel asked and Justin imagined how he was nearly out of his apartment to come around again.   
“O, yes. Everything is fine. Hadrien is fine too. He's playing in his hanging chair which we had fixed today...”  
“Sounds good.”  
Justin blushed. What the hell he was talking about? “I just... I wanted to thank you for...” Staying the night? Kissing me? Touching me? “... for yesterday. Merci. And for the wine. It was tasty.” Okay Justin, hang up before you say more ridiculous things!   
“Yes it was the best wine I found so far here... in Canada. But truly there is no wine like in France.” 

Silence. Then they laughed. It was relieving. 

“Well I know a nice taverne here in Montréal”, Justin said.  
“Really? Then you should show me. I mean I'm living since three years in this town and don't know about it.”  
“Okay”, Justin said but he thought something like: O my god! He asked for a date. Well, if it is a date. But he seemed at least interested after all.  
They made an appointment for Friday, after work. Justin wrote a mental note to call Ella. “Have a nice Sunday evening”, Emmanuel said.   
“Yeah, you too.” 

Emmanuel laughed. 

“What?”  
“O nothing but... It's just after all this time I'm thinking of the band if I hear someone saying _you too_.”  
“You mean U2? Still haven't found what I'm looking for?”  
“Oui. The famous rock band.”  
“Are you a fan?”  
“No, no. No really. Of course I like their music if I hear it somewhere. But no. I rather more appreciate their social and political dedication.”  
“Yes ONE and so on.”  
“Oui.”  
“What kind of music do you hear then?”  
“Mmmh, more classic. And french stuff.”  
“Chansons?”  
Emmanuel laughed sheepishly. “Oui.”  
Hadrien was opening the door. “It's bedtime”, he said. “Yes, my dear. I'm coming.” Hadrien was getting out again. “Sorry, that was Hadrien –“   
“Alright! Bonne nuit et à bientôt.”  
“I call you for the exact time on Friday. Good night!” 

Justin smiled as he hang up.


	7. Changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a happy new year!

**\------------------------------Hadrien--------------------------------**

He shut down the tablet, the display faded to black. He yawned and hardly could hold his eyes open. Tired he slipped from his hanging chair. It must be very late, already bedtime. He opened his door, than stood still. The lights showing him an empty living room. He heard a cheering laugh out of his fathers bedroom followed by English and French words and sentences. He was talking on the phone again.

That was what he what he was doing the last evenings. Sitting in his room and talking in his phone. But to whom?  
“With a friend.”  
What friend? Hadrien didn't know one person in his fathers life who he could call a friend. He vaguely remembered some names and faces he heard and saw in the past. But that was before his mother gone away. After that there were just his grandparents and some doctors. Who ever this friend was, he didn't like him or her. Because his Papa seemed to forget the time over this phone calls. He seemed to forget that he must bring Hadrien to bed. That he must sit down on the edge of Hadrien's bed, cover him with his teddy bear-blanket, saying “Good night, champ”, kissing his forehead.

Now Hadrien have to brush his teeth all alone, cover himself. His father just saying “Good night” and hug him if Hadrien tapped into his room. He doesn't come, doesn't sit down at his bed anymore. And Hadrien would hear him talking all night long. 

“Good night”, Hadrien mumbled staying in the doorway of his fathers room, who was sitting on the ground, next to his bed. He finished his last sentence. “...excuse-moi.” Then he turned to Hadrien. “Good night, my dear. Wish you the best dreams.” That was it. He didn't even stand up to hug him.

Hadrien closed the door and shuffled into his room. He slipped under the cold blanket and turned off the little lamb-lamp beside his bed, hearing the voice of his Papa, dump and cloudy through the wall. He felt pretty much alone.

His father was talking so much more these days...but not with him. Hadrien barely could tell him about his day on school. At dinner he could tell that his fathers thoughts were far away. He was smiling. He smiled all day, every second. Hadrien didn't know before that the lips of his father could form such a large smile. He seemed to be very happy for no reason. That scared Hadrien. Of course it was nice that his Papa was happy. But Hadrien really wanted to know why. Maybe if his father would tell him about it he could be happy too. It also makes him angry that his father didn't share his happiness or the reason of it with him. He definitely got a secret. And Hadrien doesn't have one. Well, that he maybe would play Michael in Peter Pan his father didn't know. But not because Hadrien was keeping it as a secret. There was just no moment to tell. 

And Audrey couldn't tell him if the drama class would prepare for Peter Pan. Hadrien kept asking every break. He tried to making Audrey a friend, and he didn't want to spend the breaks alone under the eager eyes of Monsieur Macron. Luckily Audrey didn't shoo him away like his classmates who are thinking now that he was odd and strange because of his behavior in the first weeks. But Audrey was getting along with him very well although she's got other friends too. 

Friends... his friends from kindergarten seemed so far away. That is unfair, Hadrien thought. While he was loosing his friends and didn't really get any new, his Papa got a new one. Well, if it really was a friend he was talking to all evening and night.

He told Audrey about it, although she didn't seemed that interested in personal problems except hers. She was very talkative but mostly about her own topics.  
“Uhh, maybe your father is dating someone.”  
“Dating?”  
“Yes, I mean he lives alone with you. So maybe he is falling in love with a woman.”  
“He met the mothers of Anna and Victor.”  
Audrey nodded seriously. “These things are happening if your an adult.”

Hadrien was thinking the rest of the day about it, even in class. A woman... but his father loved his mother although she was gone. He decided to ask Ella about it. She was already 15. She surely knows more about adults than Audrey does. The thought that his father was up to marry another woman made Hadrien sad and angry at the same time.

**\------------------------------Justin--------------------------------**

Only the soft warm light of the little lamp next to the sofa greeted him as he stepped in their flat. Quietly he closed the door behind him. Poor Ella was sleeping on the small sofa. Her blonde long hair all over her face, the red flannel shirt a bit shifted, her smartphone on the little desk in front of the sofa. Justin smiled, such a good girl. He sneaked into Hadrien's room, saw nothing but his curls in the dark, hearing his deep breaths. Quiet as a fox he took a cuddly blanket to lay it over Ella. She looked more like a girl than a woman if she's sleeping, Justin thought.

God, 15. It was a long time ago but he remembered how it felt like to be 15. Insecure in one moment, over self confident in the other. Just a vaguely picture about love but always being in love. Don't understand adults, neither other teenagers. And everything was exciting, especially other humans. He remembered first kisses. God, they were so bad! But they didn't know it better so it felt like heaven.  
Well, the kisses he shared this evening with Emmanuel actually were heaven. Maybe, he thought, it all felt suddenly like back then with 15. Excitement, butterflies, sunshine on rainy days, insecure and a bit of fear. But the kisses were definitely better, much better.

*

They went to the tavern Justin had told Emmanuel about. And yes, it was a date. They had met in front of the lighted windows. It was kind of a noble restaurant and wine bar in the groundfloor of a high office building. Justin flew in Emmanuel's arms thinking that he was the most wonderful human being on earth and: don't hug him too enthusiastic. There was an awkward tension between them and it had needed a few glasses of wine to get rid off it. And then it was like their phone calls, just better. Because he not only hear his accent and lisp but also could watch Emmanuel. His sharp eyes which were looking this intense at Justin that they seemed to promise him to never look away again. Damn, his crush was growing bigger every day!

It was this bad that he didn't say anything against when Emmanuel offered him to drive him around in his silver shining car. Normally Justin would say: _You came by car? Although you know that you would drink? That's irresponsible! And no, I won't let you drive me home._

But it was Emmanuel, he didn't even seemed very drunk. Just his cheeks were blushed and maybe his blue eyes aren't looking sharp anymore. This could be also Justin's personal impression.  
And it was wonderful to get home by Emmanuel. He drove secure and Justin trust him fully.

“So, how was the wine?”, he asked when the car was standing in a little gap on the street next to the building where his flat was.  
“Excellent.”  
“Like in France?”  
“Mmmh, nearly.”  
They laughed. And then fell in silence. 

Justin starred at the black mounting, taking shy and quick looks at Emmanuel. He was starring at the steering wheel. 

Justin was thinking of three possibilities: First he could wish Emmanuel a good night and just leave.  
Second he could ask Emmanuel to come with him for coffee or something.  
Third he could try to – 

“Justin”, Emmanuel said and break that silence. He said his name like he totally knows how sexy his pronunciation sounded. He looked up.  
And saw pure desire in Emmanuel's eyes. 

Without hesitate he kissed him, placing his hand under Emmanuel's chin to get him closer. He felt the faster beating pulse under his stubby skin.  
“Can we go up to you?”, Emmanuel asked between their kisses.  
“No, I don't think... That this is a good idea. Ella the babysitter. Is there. And...and..”  
Emmanuel took one of Justin's hands and laid it between his legs. He already was hard.  
“I want you to touch me”, he aspires in Justin's ear. “I need you to do it... now.”

So Justin opened his belt, his trousers while kissing him. It took its time with one hand. He felt the heat and the fine hairs when he slipped his hand under Emmanuel's briefs. And it turned him on himself. Seeing Emmanuel's lust, his half closed eyes, hearing his moans.  
“Give me a little more time”, he whispered as he moving his hand faster and felt that Emmanuel was very close to lose it.  
“Oiuh...”  
“It's not easy for me after all.”  
“...yeah”  
“I hope you understand it.”  
“Oui...God!”  
Seconds later Emmanuel releases himself with a moan in Justin's hand. He was breathing heavily, but pulling Justin into one last – breathless – kiss.

“Promise me that you will text me if you're at home, that you're alright”, Justin said before leaving the car.  
“I promise.”


	8. You'll be in my heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My top Mood Song for writing this story is "You'll be in my heart" (in the version of great Jonathan Young). So it have to be mentioned in one chapter and I think it's completing this one very well.

For the hundred time at this weekend Justin checked his phone: no messages, no calls. Emmanuel successfully had broken his promise. He didn't text him to let him know that he was home safe and sound, not at their Friday night, not today on the Saturday after. First Justin get worried. Maybe he had an accident. Maybe someone had robbed him, maybe he's in hospital now. 

He was getting into work to bury this dark thoughts. But he only gets huffish. Harsh he refused Hadrien's wish to play at the tablet. “No, you're playing too much with it these days.”  
“Then we can paint something at my easel -”  
“No, Hadrien! I don't have time yet!”

And soon Justin wasn't worried about Emmanuel anymore. He was angry. What if Emmanuel was satisfied with flirting which leads to some kinky fun? And the phone calls were just tactics to get Justin to some sexual action. If he was doing exactly what he had denied at the night he had slept by Justin's side? Use his loneliness and damaged feelings. Maybe Emmanuel was doing this with other parents too. _Alright, alright_ , he said finally to himself. _You're just working you up over this matter, only on guesses which also could be totally wrong. Calm down!_

But the anger remained as a sting in his stomach, even he laid in bed at the evening to find some sleep after this grey and funless day.

*

He woke up in the night by some noises. Opening his eyes he was starring in the dark, hardly listening to catch this unknown noises. Hadrien? Burglars? Quiet he stood up, sneaking slowly to his door, listening again. Yes, it were definitely noises from a human, not a bubbling pipe or something. Carefully he opened his door and stepped out. Light was glaring in his sons room. “Hadrien?” He pushed the door open.

Hadrien was standing in front of his bed, struggling with a blue bed sheet. His blanket and another sheet were laying heaped up on the ground. He freezed when he saw his father.  
“No, Papa... I'm, I...”, he stammered and burst into tears. “Hey, hey”, Justin stepped to him, kneeling and hugging him. His pajamas were wet. “It's alright. Everything's alright.”  
“I'm not a baby... I didn't want this.”  
“Of course.” Justin looked in his face. The eyes and cheeks were red, full of shame and tears. “This could happen.”  
“But I'm six. No one at six is peeing in the bed.”  
“O, don't think that. There are many kids at your age and older. It's okay. Everything's alright.”

He took the blue sheet out of Hadrien's hands. “So you have just begun to clean up?” Hadrien nodded. “That's good, champ. But let us first get you clean.” Justin took a fresh pajama out of Hadrien's drawer. “The one with the frogs?” Hadrien nodded. They went to the bathroom where he get Hadrien a shower and into his fresh pajamas. Then they get new sheets and blanket on the bed.  
Justin laid down beside Hadrien, holding his son in his arms til the warm body relaxed and the breathing was constantly deep. Humming a sweet melody of a song his mother had used to sing.

______________________________________________________________  
_Come stop your crying_  
_It will be alright_  
_Just take my hand_  
_Hold it tight_

_I will protect you_  
_From all around you_  
_I will be here_  
_Don't you cry_  
____________________________________________________________ 

On this Sunday morning Justin prepared a large breakfast. He made crumbled eggs, toast with bacon and cheese, pressed fresh orange juice and fill Hadrien's Paw Patrol-bowl with his favorite cereals. He finished just as Hadrien woke up. He looked very tired.  
“Good morning, my dear.”  
“Morning”, he mumbled and sit down at the table in his frog pajamas. Soon his mood lighten up and he was enjoying this proper meal.  
“So, are you looking forward to tomorrow, to school?”, Justin asked trying to made it sound like a normal question.  
Hadrien shrugged while crunching his cereals.  
“Isn't it nice to see your classmates after weekend. Finally kids to play with. And so on.”  
Silence.  
“I hope that Audrey could tell me if I could play Michael in Peter Pan.”  
“... in a school play?”, Justin asked surprised.  
“Yes”, Hadrien said proud. “The drama class prepares every year a play for Christmas. And this year it could be Peter Pan. And Audrey said I would be perfect to playing Michael.”  
“Wow... But you're not in drama class-”  
“Audrey is. She said she could convince Madame Trogneaux to allow me to join for the play.”  
“O, did she?”  
Justin thought of that funny girl he had met in the school corridors with Madame Trogneaux. Wasn't her name Audrey?  
“So this Audrey is your friend then?”  
“Yes”, Hadrien answered though he sounded not much confident about it.  
“Cool! You know that you could invite her for weekends to come around and play?”  
“Yes”, Hadrien said and quickly looked at his cereals.

He didn't sound like he would ask her. But Justin was satisfied with his answers and hoped that Madame Trogneaux would allow his son to act in this play. Maybe the accident in the night shouldn't bother him that much and he was just too worried about his son.

After Hadrien drank the rest of the milk out of his bowl, he watched Justin for minutes finishing his own breakfast.  
Then: “Are you dating a woman?”  
Justin choke on his orange juice. “Pardon... ?!”  
“Are you dating Anna's or Victor's mothers? Do you want to marry them?”  
Justin looked at his son who just sit there and starring at him in this unashamed childish manner.  
“No, I didn't date them nor want to marry one of them. At least Victor's mum is already married and Anna's is in a relationship too. And... just no. How on earth do you think of that?”  
Hadrien shrugged again. “You're phone calls every evening. And... you are smiling so much.”  
“Am I?” Justin felt a little caught. Before he could decide if he should tell Hadrien about his starting relationship to Emmanuel, Hadrien asked: “Do you still love mommy?” His eyes tell about fear.  
“Yes”, Justin answered without hesitate one second. “Yes, of course. I still love her. I will for ever.” His eyes suddenly were filled with tears and he grasped Hadrien's tiny hand. “She always will be in my heart. Always. Just like you.”

*

Later Justin suggested to build a cushion fort with the sofa. First Hadrien wasn't very enthusiastic about this idea. But Justin did his best to convince him. Their talk during breakfast showed him that he possible had lose sight on Hadrien the last week, over Emmanuel. Over someone he didn't really know and who seemed to be just a horny asshole. Now he wanted his son to know that he was there for him, that he was sorry.

Justin began to disorder the cushions on the sofa, saying: “O that will be a great cushion fort.” While Hadrien watching his father critically from a distance. Finally he said: “No, you must put the big cushion this way” and Justin let him show how it works better, with a winning smile on his face.  
“We could add a sheet on top”, he suggested.  
“But then it's not just a cushion fort -”  
“Well, then it will be a super cushion-fort-sheet-tent.”

Hadrien liked this name and they finished their fort tent with spreading an orange sheet over it.  
“Isn't it a great super cushion-fort-sheet-tent?”  
“Yes”, Hadrien shouted, “the best we ever had made!”  
They high five each other.  
“I can make Popcorn and then we can celebrate in our fort tent.”  
Joyful Hadrien ran around their former sofa.

The microwave popcorn filled the room with its typical sweet smell which reminded Justin always of his childhood and exciting cinema evenings with his own father. Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi. 

They eat it all and licked the crumbs and sugar off the big plastic bowl. “Delicious”, Hadrien said and Justin laughed about his deadpan manner. “You are really going to play Michael from the Lost Boys?”  
Hadrien nodded. “I'd rather like more Peter. But Audrey said she will play him. And maybe I'm to small to play Peter.”  
“Maybe. But Micheal is great too. Maybe you could be Peter in your last year.”  
“Yes... I also like Tinkerbell. But that is no role for me...”  
“No?”  
“No, I think the others would laugh at me if I'm wearing a fairy costume.”  
“O... but I think that if Audrey could play Peter then a boy could play Tinkerbell.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Yeah. Maybe some will laugh. But you know what? Because of this laughter the boy who would do it would be the bravest boy of all. And he must keep doing it as long as nobody is laughing at him anymore. And someday it will be accepted by everyone. Because boys in dresses could look beautiful too, not just girls.”  
“Mmh, I don't know.”  
“It's true! The secret is, if you want it yourself and if you really like yourself than others would like you too. Because nothing looks more beautiful than someone who love himself.”  
“Papa”, Hadrien interrupted him. “They don't like me, the others in class. They said: Go to your own friends.”

Justin put an arm around him. There it is, he thought.  
“They just don't know how wonderful you are. Let them know”, he whispered, kissing the soft curls of his son.

______________________________________________________________  
_For one so small_  
_You seem so strong_  
_My arms will hold you_  
_Keep you safe and warm_

_This bond between us_  
_Can't be broken_  
_I will be here_  
_Don't you cry_  
____________________________________________________________ 


	9. A call

At Monday evening Justin's phone was suddenly ringing. He and Hadrien were watching telly and both were close to fall asleep. 

Their evening was short like every day in week. Justin came home after work. Then they ate together and he, although very tired, was listening eagerly to Hadrien. He told him about maths, that they are going to use the school tablets and a special learn software for the next lessons.  
“But some said, that their parents didn't allow them at all to use the PC or a smartphone or a Playstation or something. Can you imagine this?”  
“Let me guess: Pierre's parents didn't allow it.”  
Hadrien nodded. “But I think for school they must allow it.”  
“Maybe you could help Pierre then with the tablet. If he never used such thing before, you can help.”  
“Maybe”, Hadrien just said. Then he told him about French and Justin hardly could concentrate on his words.  
“We played Hangman with Monsieur Macron. And my team have won!”  
“Ah, I think he rather would play Guillotine Man”, Justin murmured cynically.  
Hadrien didn't understand but moved on with telling about the lunch meal: Pasta with different sauces and a fruit salad.  
“And what did Audrey said?”, Justin asked.  
“O she likes the green sauce best.”  
Justin laughed. “I mean about the play? Do you get the role?”  
“She didn't know yet.” Hadrien looked a bit upset.  
“Don't worry... Hey, shall we read Peter Pan together?”  
“Like now?”  
“Yes, we just clean up the table and then we can sit down in your hanging chair and read.”

And so they did. They were sitting side by side, starting reading the book by taking turns after one page. Though Hadrien got some for his age typical struggles with some words and phrases he could resume the first chapter very well afterwards. The book was a fancy edition his mother had bought one day. Paperback but with a bright colored cover. The pages were torn at their sides, so it looks like quite outta Pan's hands. After the first chapter they decided that it was enough for the evening and to turn on the TV. 

 

*

 

Now Justin's phone was vibrating on the desk and he startled. “Sorry”, he mumbled, stretched himself and stood up to pick up.  
It was Emmanuel the display said. He thought about to ignore it. But he didn't.  
“Hey.”  
“Hey, Justin.” O he totally knew about the effect his pronunciation of his name have. “Ça va?“  
„Bien.“  
„Pour de vrai?“  
„Yes.“ Justin went to his room, closing the door.  
„You don't sound like-”  
“What do you want?”, Justin asked and the words came out very harsh.  
“I... want to talk to you, I guess.” He sounded sassy.  
“Aha.”  
“What's the matter?”  
“Why didn't you text me? Or call me the next day? You have promised me.”  
“I'm sorry.”  
“Are you? I'm actually thinking you make a fool of me.”  
“Don't think that! I was too tired that evening. And the next day... I actually was a little... embarrassed.”  
“O really?” Justin laughed in a cold tone.  
“I... hoped that you would call me. And that you would like it better if I'm giving you a little time. Do you remember? You had required time –”  
“Oh.”  
“I'm sorry after all. That it made you feel dumb. I'm sorry. Truly sorry. I guess we both make things more complicated than they have to be –“  
“I've lost sight of Hadrien during the last weeks. Because of you. He have problems with his classmates. Do you know that? And two nights ago he had wet his bed. He havn't done this since more than a year. He did it a few times short after his mother passed away. But then it was alright again. And now...”  
“You want to blame me on it?”  
“I'm just saying that probably it is better –“  
“What? To end it before it really have began? Justin, you're not the first single parent in this situation. Do you want to live the rest of your life alone because of Hadrien?”  
“I want to be a good father to Hadrien, I want to be there for him.”  
“You already are!... Look, I know the circumstances are not the best, not easy for us to start. But I really like you, I mean it. I want it.”

A pause. Justin didn't know what to say.

“Justin?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Or is it because I'm a man?”  
“What? No... no!”  
“I mean you were married to a woman –“  
“You're not the first man.”  
“Non?”  
“There was a guy at college.”  
“Interesting, go on.” Emmanuel really sounded interested in that story.

Justin laughed.

“Was it a romantic relationship?”  
“Haha, well, ahm... not really. It was just passion and excitement. Sort of an adventure... We were in the rugby team. And he was a huge man, very trained. Besides rugby he did some fitness and strength training. All women were after him. We have met for a few months. That's it.”  
“Tell me more. When had it started?”

Justin laughed again. 

“It was after training, kind of cliche, I know. The trainer was holding me back to discuss a speech I would deliver on a tournament about a group I was member in, a group against sexual assault. After this talk the others were already gone. And I stepped into the shower room. And there he was.”  
“And?”  
“Common! Do you really want me to tell you about the details?”  
“I beg.”  
“... alright then.” 

Justin took a deep breath, thought about to hang up. But didn't. 

“He was standing there, let the water ran over his body... masturbating. And I saw his strong back, his brawny legs, hearing his moans between the floating water... I totally was turned on by this scene. Then he recognized me somehow but didn't stop. I was standing there and watched him.” 

Justin paused, laying back on his bed.

“And then?” Emmanuel whispered.  
“After he came he turned to me, took my hands and laid them on his wet chest”, Justin said, stroking his own chest now, slipping with his hand under the buttons of his shirt.  
“He was breathing heavily. I touched him and his muscles, his six pack. I began to kiss his chest.” 

Emmanuel's breaths grew heavier.

“He pressed me with the back against the cold wall, touching me in return and his hands were doing the same on me what they did before on himself.” 

Justin let his hand travel down to his trousers, opening them.

“Look at me boy, he had whispered with his deep voice.”  
“I'm looking at you”, Emmanuel aspirate.  
“His grip was hard. But I enjoyed it... very much.” 

Justin heard Emmanuel groaning, just like he did in the car. He joined it carefully, trying not to be too loud, moving his hand faster. 

“Say... would you touch me... the same way?”

“... oui...”, Emmanuel gasped. 

A few moans later he came. The noise he made within and the imagination that he pulled on Justin's hard and impatient were enough to make Justin lose it quickly after.  
For minutes they just sighed and blew into their phones.

“I want it too”, Justin finally said, seeing all clear now. “Us. I want you by my side.”


End file.
